I was casually browsing YouTube when I was recommended a video simply titled "Aleksandra Soldatova (2018)", which is 48 minutes long.
"Wow, a documentary? I'm on it!"
It was a Japanese documentary about the daily lives of athletes who may potentially compete at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics (before the virus outbreak, of course).
Being produced in Japan, the narration and subtitles are in Japanese. And the gymnasts in the documentary speak only Russian.
What a bummer for non-Japanese and non-Russian audiences!
This left me no choice but to turn on YouTube's auto-translate. Everyone knows auto-translate is never accurate and more often hilarious... My expectation does not disappoint!
So welcome, everyone, to my first review of a rhythmic gymnastics mockumentary... I mean documentary. Documentary!
Now grab your popcorn and let's watch Aleksandra Soldatova's documentary!
This documentary's overarching theme is Aleksandra Soldatova's journey in perfecting her 2018 ball routine to "Carmen".
"Carmen" is a famous opera revolving around a fiery, strong woman. Above all, her distinctive feature is her seductiveness—the very same charm that led her to her demise at the end of the opera.
Fun fact: Soldatova only used "Carmen" at the beginning of the year. Shortly after, she switched to "Don Quixote".
*Basically defeats the purpose of this documentary LOL*
Can Soldatova find her own "Carmen"?
"Carmen" is extremely popular among women's gymnastics and rhythmic gymnastics is no exception. Gymnasts (particularly the Ukrainians) LOVE "Carmen" because it is such an emotional and expressive performance:
We all know Soldatova is among the most expressive gymnasts as interpreted in her 2019 Euskalgym gala to Joker's "Smile" by Gregory Potter. Even YouTube acknowledges this!
The question is... can Aleksandra Soldatova find her own "Carmen"?
It was still the beginning of the year during the documentary shoot, thus it is fathomable that she is still struggling to portray such a mature character. Still, Soldatova took the challenge and went with her *demonic* interpretation:
Which is pretty dark...
Soldatova's coach suggested she should go ballistic. It must be very common advice, considering the Novogorsk Training Centre has a ballistic ward.
On top of her coach’s advice, Soldatova conducted her research by watching the legendary Alina Kabaeva's "Carmen" routine. She needed tax collection technology to capitalise on her performance.
Any Russian rhythmic gymnastics video is not complete without the appearance of the head coach, a woman no other than Irina Viner herself. Rest assured, Viner is a good director as portrayed by YouTube:
It cannot be helped. Russia revolutionised rhythmic gymnastics ever since the split of the Soviet Union and therefore Viner has to continue this Russian pride.
FYI, Russian pride also includes Thailand.
However, this highest expectation is not on Soldatova! Instead, the greatest burden is laid on her most formidable rivals:
The Averina twins, Arina and Dina Averina.
Fun fact: Soldatova and the twins are thirty-two years old.
The twins are instantaneously shot to stardom because their style and strengths are heavily favoured by the current Code of Points (CoP).
What is the Code of Points (CoP) in Rhythmic Gymnastics?
The CoP is the scoring system for rhythmic gymnasts. A translation by YouTube informs that the current CoP is all about drinking as much beer and earning as many bone fragments as you can.
The twins have been the lead since 2017. And since this documentary is about Soldatova, these sisters will have to be called names.
"Cheap, rimless boat, monster. The names for the twins cannot go any worse, I suppose."
Good names are reserved for Soldatova—and Soldatova only! Duh?!
Actually, a good documentary has to be fair and square. So here is a share of Soldatova's names:
So... do you wanna be nice or mean to Soldatova? Geez, make a decision, YouTube!
In order to beat the Averina twins, Soldatova has to carry out the following steps:
1. The daily lives of an elite athlete: training
Such as throwing her soul mate up high and catching him on her back.
Because that makes Soldatova a focused wife!
2. Look after her wellbeing
Catching diseases like waist cancer is a BIG no.
3. The gymnast’s weight, the bottom line of Russian gymnastics
Soldatova said the easiest way of controlling your weight is to dress up your lunch:
Watching what you eat is probably the first rule every gymnast has to adhere to. Despite that, I'm surprised at the sheer number of times food is mentioned in this documentary:
"Who is Pete???"
"Yay, Soldatova loves Chinese food!"
"Uh... so Soldatova is food now? Or is Soldatova Chinese???"
Last but not least, the final step:
4. Epic battle cry.
Unsurprisingly, this documentary ends with an unanswered question of whether Soldatova finds her own "Carmen". And the result of her journey so far? We’ll never know.
"She did not; she changed it to Don Quixote."
Guess we'll have to wait for the Tokyo Olympics to find out!
"Hang on. Did YouTube predict the postponement of the Tokyo Olympics??? This documentary was filmed in 2019 but the announcement was only made in 2020!!"
All in all, thanks for watching this documentary with me and I hope you enjoy my documentary *mockumentary* review! See you all next time!
Personal Note
Auto-translate is hilarious but I think this documentary brings it to another level. Probably because of the dichotomy of the Japanese and English languages' structure!
I think you can more or less comprehend the actual message despite the translation. And of course, this blog post is purely for fun, with no real mocking intended! Thanks for reading with me and please follow for more! I can be found across multiple platforms. See you there!
October 2022 update: Unfortunately, this documentary is no longer available on YouTube. Good thing I have this penned down, hey? :D
Disclaimer:
These media are screenshots from the source itself and memes from imgflip.com.
Cover photo information:
"Aleksandra Soldatova" by Irene da Rocha via Flickr
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